Austin goes WALKING WITH DINOSAURS 3D!!!!

walking_with_dinosaurs_3d_ver3

Man!  And I thought GROWN UPS 2 was bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This latest kids film is trying to cash in on the dinosaur craze.  I believe this started as an arena exhibit or BBC mini-series (or both), but now has been turned into a feature film.  I was actually looking forward to this as the early teasers looked visually stunning.  I was hoping it would be a fun movie.  Boy, was I dead fucking wrong!

The movie focuses on this little Pachyrhinosaurus (yes, I had to look it up)  named Patchi.  He’s a runt of course, and is upstaged by his braver older brother.  He also has a crush on a girl dinosaur.  Then a bunch of shit happens and Patchi must find the courage to lead the migration, as they’re followed by a big meat-eater.  Oh yeah, and there’s some stupid, mind-numbingly annoying bird that narrates the whole movie and is best friends with Patchi.

Holy shit!  I could not believe how God awful this movie truly was.  Never in my wildest dreams would I ever imagine that this could be THAT bad!  But it is!  So… what makes it so awful you ask?  Well, let’s see.  For starters, I guess I should say that the animation of the film looks fine.  And I’m sure I would’ve actually found it impressive if the movie wasn’t so skull-bashingly irritating.

Well, the first mistake was having the Dinosaurs talk.  I wish the filmmakers would have been brave and just made a wordless film with dinosaurs interacting with each other.  Now that would be groundbreaking and fascinating.  But no!  Instead we have the dinosaurs uttering awful dialogue.  They even use out-of-time references.  Like Patchi uses the word ninja!  There were no ninjas back then, right?  Sheesh!  And then, to make it even worse, the dinosaurs don’t even move their mouths when they talk.  Instead, we get “LOOK WHO’S TALKING”-like voice overs, which leads me to believe that maybe they were trying to make the movie wordless, but then the studio heads told the filmmakers to have the dinosaurs talk.

I guess the talking wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t voiced with annoying actors like Justin Long and John Leguizamo.  Now, they can be good actors, but they are normally used as comic relief, but now they have to carry a film.  They can’t.  Instead, we’re treated with lots of poop jokes, pop culture references, and awkward character interaction.  Nearly every line of dialogue is jaw-droppingly bad.

There were some potentially exciting action sequences throughout, but every single one of them was ruined by either Long or Leguizamo, shrieking about how scared they were or complaining for the entire sequence.  The fact that the dinosaurs talk ruin any chance of this film being thrilling, exciting, interesting, or just any good.

I brought my 10-year-old daughter, and she said it’s one of the worst films of the year.  I definitely agree with her.  It’s easily among the worst, along with being the most irritating and annoying film of the year.  The film was under 90 minutes, but it felt over 2 hours.  WALKING WITH DINOSAURS is an absolute chore to sit through.  Do not waste your time and money on this during the holiday season.  Instead, bring the family to see SAVING MR. BANKS.  That film is terrific and perfect for the entire family.  At least there are no shit jokes in it.

Man…. seeing dinosaurs reduced to Nikelodeon style humor was embarrassing to watch.  ½ (out of ★★★★)

– Rated PG for creature action and peril, and mild rude humor. (I don’t think there was anything mild about the rude humor though, unless you consider a dinosaur being shit on mild)

– Running time: 1hr 27min.



Categories: Austin Kennedy, Reviews

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