Austin reviews THE INTERNSHIP (2003)…um….no!….I meant (2013)

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Why is this movie 2 FUCKING HOURS LONG?!?!?!?!?!?  WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?  There is absolutely no reason for it!

So…. hi!   How you doing today?  So yeah, I saw THE INTERNSHIP this week.  YAY!!!!!!   Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn starred together in WEDDING CRASHERS back in 2005.  It was a surprisingly huge hit.  Now, the 2 comic actors are trying to recapture the magic.  Well, for one, I think that WEDDING CRASHERS was an overlong, overrated slog.  It had its moments, but it was a pretty sloppy comedy I thought.  So, right away, I wasn’t the audience for this movie.  So you might want to keep that in mind as I rape the shit out of this movie.

Vaughn and Wilson play….. fuck, I don’t remember their names.  But does it really matter since they’re both just playing their regular personas anyway?  So yeah, I’ll just call them Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson throughout this review.  I don’t know why they even bothered giving themselves character names.  Anyhoo…  Vaughn and Wilson are aging salesmen who lose their jobs.  Everything is being taken over by computers.  One night, while Vince is on his computer, for no reason at all other than the fact that it says so in the script, he searches for a job at google.  He signs up both he and Wilson for an internship at the Google headquarters, but not before we get an absolutely unbearable scene of Owen at a temporary job at a mattress place with boss Will Ferrell completely ad-libbing every single fucking line he says.  And it’s not funny by the way.

Once they get to Google, the 2 stick out like sore thumbs because they’re at least 20 years older than all the other interns.  But that doesn’t stop Owen from trying to bang one of the employees played by Rose Byrne.  In order to get these jobs, they must pass all sorts of tests.  The interns are put into teams so they can face all sorts of nerdy challenges.  Of course, they end up with all of the misfits who don’t fit in.  Owen and Vince aren’t smart enough for the job, but they have life experience and they end up teaching all their nerdy teammates valuable life lessons as they get drunk and visit strip clubs together.  But since it’s PG13, this kind of thing isn’t shocking since the strippers are clothed.  I still have never been to a strip club like that.  Dude!  If you’re going to have a strip club in your movie, grow some balls and show some fucking titties already1  GEEZ!  To me, it’s really distracting when characters go to a fully clothed strip club.  Takes me right out of the movie.  Not that I was into the movie at all by that point.

All of the challenges that they have to go through are pretty lame.  Like a quiddich match!  And the jokes!  Holy shit!  The jokes are fucking terrible in this.  Most of them involve just how out-of-touch Vaughn and Wilson are with nerd culture.  They have no idea what Harry Potter is!  Isn’t that a gas?!?!?  Ummmmm…. NO!  IT’S NOT!  And isn’t it funny that they don’t know who the X-MEN are?  Um….. what?  Okay.  So they’re in their 40’s.  X-MEN has been around longer than they have!  I’m sure they’ve fucking heard of the X-MEN!  That made absolutely no sense to me.  Maybe if they were 80 years old, but 40 year olds?  Really tired humor guys!  And that’s what this whole movie is like.  It’s bad, dated jokes.  I hate using that word dated, but that’s what this film feels like.  In fact, it feels like that this movie was made 10 years ago and was sitting on the shelf until now.  It doesn’t feel current at all, despite all the iphone and technology-babble.  That computer stuff might be new, but the comedy is stale.

I used to love Vince Vaughn.  I think his persona has been used effectively before like in DODGEBALL or THE BREAK UP.  But lately, with films like FRED CLAUS, COUPLES RETREAT and FOUR CHRISTMASES. he is just a one trick pony.  He’s doing the same tired routine here, which is talk really fast and hope that what’s coming out is funny.  And no, what’s coming out of his mouth isn’t funny in this.  Owen Wilson just looks old and rundown.  He’s trying to recapture that likable, slacker persona that made him popular 10 years ago, but can’t seem to find that spark.  Both of these actors are trying to relive the glory days of their careers, and it’s kind of sad and pathetic to see it all fall apart right before ones eyes.  I also think they were both way too old for this.  They would have been too old for these characters 10 years ago.  But back then, it would have been pathetic, but cute.  Now, it’s just pathetic, but… pathetic.

The supporting cast isn’t any better.  Rose Byrne is completely wasted here as the obligatory love interest.  She has proven that she can do comedy really well in GET HIM TO THE GREEK.  Her Jackie Q character in that had me in stitches!  But the filmmakers don’t take advantage of any of her talents here, and that’s just criminal.  John Goodman plays the boys’ employer at the beginning of the film, and again, another wonderful actor completely wasted.  Goodman better be careful!  That’s 2 appearances in lousy films in just under one month (HANGOVER III).  Aasif Mandvi is just one big walking cartoon character as the guy running the internship program at google.  Nothing he says or does feels like a professional authority figure.  He seems like he’s a comic that got stuck with this character and is just trying to be funny in a role that should have been played straight.  Play the character that you’re supposed to play!  I fucking hated him in this!  Max Minghella is the jerk rival intern who is so snobbily over the top.  I’m sure it was intended that way, but it would probably be a good idea to make that character funny then, wouldn’t it?  And Will Ferrell….. God I hated him in this.  It’s pretty much the same shit he always does.  Saying inappropriate things at inappropriate times that does nothing to advance the characters and the story.  Just like his character in WEDDING CRASHERS, it takes you right out of the movie.  At least his scene was earlier on this time out.

The only nice thing I can say about the cast is that I really liked Tiya Sircar as one of the interns. She is just smoking hot and her character is a nerd so that made her even hotter.  She showed a lot of charisma and I really liked her character.  Though the filmmakers totally botched up a potentially great opportunity to put her in Princess Leia’s slave girl outfit.  I means seriously!.  You don’t have someone talk about wearing that outfit who’s that hot, and then NOT have her wear it.  Worst case of “nerd blueballs” ever!  The filmmakers also missed the opportunity to have Vince and Tiya hook up.  They share a surprisingly tender moment in the movie, and I thought it would be really interesting to have those two end up with each other, because of the age difference.  That’s intriguing stuff, but every filmmaker involved here is neutered.  No balls to be found at all here!

Then I found out after the movie that it was directed by Shawn Levy!  Well….. that explains everything!  He’s probably just about one of the most safest filmmakers on the planet.  He made the NIGHT OF THE MUSEUM movies, JUST MARRIED, DATE NIGHT, THE PINK PANTHER remake, the CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN remake, and BIG FAT LIAR.  Oaaaah!  I get it.  That’s why this movie is so devoid of anything fresh or original.  Gotcha!  The filmmaking is so slapdash and sloppy.  There are some really bad edits and poor dubbing throughout.  I don’t understand how that could happen.  I mean, millions and millions of dollars are spent on movies like this.  How can you have some really shitty edits and poor dubbing?  I have made projects less than 200 dollars and I don’t have any poor edits like this movie had.  I’m going to let all you lesser Hollywood filmmakers in on a little secret.  It’s called STORYBOARDING!!!!!  You plan out every shot before you shoot it, and you should know how it’s going to look before you even begin editing.  It’s not fucking hard.  It’s like Levy wasn’t even trying here.  Dude!  You’re a fucking director!  Do you know how many people would love to have your job?!??  Including me?  There are thousands and thousands of people who have the dream to become a filmmakers and will NEVER get the opportunity to make a feature movie.  Ever!  And here you are, shooting a movie like it’s a failed television pilot.  COME ON!  Make a movie like you’ll never make another one again!  Thrill me!  Just because it’s a comedy doesn’t mean it can’t be well made.  Look at THE BLUES BROTHERS!  Heck, even look at something as new as SEX DRIVE.  That actually has some good direction in it.  There is just no excuse for something this mediocre.

The script…. HA!  Who am I kidding?  There is no script.  It felt like a blueprint and Vince and Owen and everyone else were just improving their way through.  I will say that the schmaltzy stuff worked better than the comedy.  Not that the “feel-good” element works at all, but it’s so much better than the comedy aspect, that I welcomed that shit every time it came on, just as long as Vince wouldn’t mutter another “I don’t know what computers are” joke.  And the score is just as clichéd, as it knows just when to pour on the “inspiring” music when our “heroes” prove themselves.  UGH!

So…. you might say I didn’t really care for this movie.  I will say that this isn’t the absolute worst film I’ve ever seen.  It’s pretty mediocre, but for me… that’s worse than a bad movie.  As my fellow film geek central critic, Scott Davis would say: “I would rather watch a film that reached for greatness and failed, than a film reaching for mediocrity and succeeded”.  These types of movies really piss me off.  I mean, the talent is right there (except for maybe Levy).  Vaughn and Wilson can be funny.  I’ve seen them succeed many times before.  But this movie just feels so tired.  Kind of like when Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor tried to recapture the magic of SILVER STREAK and came out with ANOTHER YOU.  THE INTERNSHIP is that kind of a failure.  Avoid at all costs!   ★ (out of ★★★★)

– Rated PG-13 for sexuality, some crude humor, partying and language.

– Running time: 1hr 59min.



Categories: Austin Kennedy, Reviews

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2 replies

  1. they did show tits at the strip club you fucktard. Watch the unrated version dumbass.

    • ummmmmmmmm…….. I wrote this review when I saw the theatrical version back in June….. so there was no unrated version…….. fuck tard. Thanks for reading. 🙂

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